I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
