my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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