i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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