Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
