And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
