Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
