Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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