You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You pole danced in your parka.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
