kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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