I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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