he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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