Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
