I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
