The maid of honor just puked.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
