Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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