If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
be right there i have to get my cape
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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