I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
