Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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