Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
