if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
