I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
