Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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