Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
