Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
