She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
