i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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