: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
