What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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