As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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