First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize