I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
