yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
