I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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