I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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