i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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