Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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