Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
