please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
