Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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