Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
