We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
