bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
