Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
