I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
