We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
