I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
