god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
