i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His hands were made for my vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
