I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Terrible idea I love it
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
