Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
