Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
