i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
