suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
