But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
