Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
