I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
