Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
