Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My ass is underappreciated
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
