TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
