I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
