I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dignity is for republicans.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
