I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
