just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
