i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
