This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
