I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
