She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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