I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Vodka?
Forever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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